http://www.philomenas.net

To open, when it comes to my preference of cuisine, I will generally always lean towards Italian. Personally, I am not one for chain restaurants, but Olive Garden’s menu is pretty awesome and sets the bar high for privately owned places. Perhaps that is the reason I am writing this review with the view I have, but none the less, Philomena’s was not very impressive.

For those not familiar with the area, this restaurant is in a building that was formerly known as “Cleveland’s PM”, a gentleman’s club that went out of business several years ago. Inside, the decor is very nice. Lots of marble, different levels, some “italian” looking pillars and posts. Unfortunately, it still has that “gentleman’s club” vibe. If you look at the ceiling you will find stage lighting in areas that will show you exactly where poles used to exist. Not a great touch guys… I would suggest removing this.

The service, while moderately slow, was not all that bad. The staff is quite friendly and knowledgable about the menu. The tables were clean. The floor was in good shape. Overall, not a bad experience. The food, on the other hand, was quite mediocre. Based on staff recommendation due to their “homemade meatballs”, I ordered the Spaghetti and Meatballs dish, for 12.00. I asked how large the dish was (I was rather hungry today) and I was informed that it was quite large. Once I finally received my dish, I jokingly said aloud “This is it? Where’s the rest?”. Now mind you, I do enjoy portions larger than most, but I was expecting far more based on the description I received. The start of the disappointment had begun. Now we’re to taste. Again, mediocre. Was it better than the Prego sauce I use at home? Definitely. Was it fantastic? No. There was more sauce than there were spaghetti noodles. Now, since I was recommended this dish because of the meatballs, I must review them seprately. The meatballs actually were pretty good. Again, not fantastic, but pretty good.

And now for the funniest part. This place opened at most, 2-3 weeks ago. Definitely not open for a month (this post written on 7/30/2010). On my way out, I couldn’t help but notice a plaque hung on the wall, directly to the left of the door, very specifically positioned to be seen, said the following:

Voted Cleveland’s Best – 2008 – M. Bistro

Now maybe I forgot to count. Perhaps the doors to this building are cleverly disguised teleporters into the past. I don’t know what I may be missing, but this building was Cleveland’s PM in 2008, so it’s not there from those days, which leaves me with only one conclusion… The owners of this place must thing people don’t know how to count and will just see the big “Voted Cleveland’s Best” and dismiss the fact that the plaque was awarded to a DIFFERENT restaurant TWO YEARS AGO! Seriously people… If you have faith in your ability to own and manage a restaurant, you do NOT need this.

Will I be back? Doubtful!

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Lets start with service – it was fast, courteous and efficient. Order was taken quickly. Food was cooked and delivered speedy. Chef was actually wearing Chef’s clothes, not jeans and a T-shirt.

Selection – their menu was awesome. For you beer drinkers, there were several (maybe 8?) full sheet pages of just beer selection. Expected for a beer house, but actually a larger selection than even Winking Lizard. Foodwise, what can I say. There were a lot of unique recipes on there. Maybe 20ish different burgers plus lots of other stuff.

My friend, R.E., ordered the “Fatty Melt”. This was a burger with Bacon and Tomato with a twist – the “buns” were each a grilled cheese sandwich. Looking at that description, I expected the burger to be pretty big. I decided to order the “Double Sasquatch” burger. 2 beef patties, onion ring and BBQ sauce. It sounded pretty appetizing. Well when the food came out, my jaw dropped. R.E.’s burger looked big, but my burger was the biggest burger I’d ever seen. I felt like I should be on that “Man VS. Food” T.V. show. 1 FULL pound of beef, not to mention the giant onion ring. Garnished with a breaded, deep fried pickle spear on top, this was a sight. With the nearly impossible task of killing this I heard familiar words come from across the table… “Man up. Go big or go home”. The waitress actually did a blatant double-take when she walked past us under 5 minutes later and the burger was gone. Not only the biggest burger I’d ever had, it was easily one of the best. And for the price (10.75 – 2.00 Lunch Special discount = 8.75) you can’t beat it.

If you’re reading this, you have GOT to give this place a try. They deserve your business!

Buckeye Beer Engine
15315 Madison Ave
Lakewood, OH 44107
216-226-BEER
http://www.buckeyebeerengine.com

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So far I have to say I am less than impressed. The service is rather slow. The tables by the windows suck because they are old draft windows. Being allergic to dairy products, I attempted to order my Reuben without cheese. At first I was told no because changing the makeup of a menu item was like “slapping the cook in the face “. Wow… that’s ridiculous. Well the waiter says he would talk to he cook and “see what he could” do after I expressed my allergy. Mind you, its over 13.00 for a simple Reuben sandwich.

OK. Got the food and my first impression is “13.00 for that little of a portion? This isn’t L.A.”. Feelings of taste… there wasn’t much of it. Service? Slow but polite and happy.

Overall opinion: if you like hoity toity overpriced small portioned food then this place is for you. For me, I’ll never go back. Better luck next time Lucky’s. =]

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